Which hard do you choose?
Avoiding problems you need to face
is avoiding the life you need to live.
- Paulo Coelho
This week, I saw one of those inspirational posts on social media. It resonated somehow. I cannot find it anymore, yet its notion inspired me.
I am always curious about what drives us to do things that are not serving us in the long term - or what makes us holding back on what would do us good in the long run. Mostly this will be fear. Fear of whatever. The most common ones are fear of rejection, fear of uncertainty, fear of discomfort and fear of failure - and even fear of success!
As we have discussed before, what we can be sure of is that hardly anything is certain... We might simply have to pick our hard - facing one fear or another.
This week, I will choose which hard I will be going with - which fear am I choosing to face?
I want to acknowledge that the idea for the structure of the following statements stemmed from somewhere else out there - I am merely building on it with what I observed:
Communication is hard. Silence is hard. Choose your hard.
Vulnerability is hard. Emotional walls are hard. Choose your hard.
Speaking your truth is hard. Swallowing your voice is hard. Choose your hard.
Setting boundaries is hard. People-pleasing is hard. Choose your hard.
Asking for help is hard. Doing everything on your own is hard. Choose your hard.
Letting go of control is hard. Holding on tightly to control is hard. Choose your hard.
Sharing your feelings is hard. Replaying thoughts alone in your head is hard. Choose your hard.
Having brave conversations is hard. Living with what is left unsaid is hard. Choose your hard.
Saving money is hard. Being in debt is hard. Choose your hard.
Exercising is hard. Immobility is hard. Choose your hard.
Keeping relationships is hard. Letting go of relationships is hard. Choose your hard.
Forgiving others is hard. Holding grudges is hard. Choose your hard.
Learning and applying new ways is hard. Being stuck is hard. Choose your hard.
Aging gracefully is hard. Fighting time desperately is hard. Choose your hard.
The above "hard" pairs reveal a deeper truth: a life well lived is not a life without problems. It is a life that embraces what we cannot change and faces the problems we need to face.
Mindfulness, as you may know by now, is not merely a way to keep calm; it is a framework to navigate life. Jon Kabat-Zinn's seven pillars of Mindfulness provide perspective on the inevitability of life's challenges and hard times:
Non-judging (observe life's turns without labeling them good or bad)
Patience (allow situations to unfold in their time without acting or speaking rashly)
Beginner's mind (approach every situation with fresh curiosity, not our preconceptions)
Trust (noticing the voices of our instinct, gut feel, or inner wisdom as situations unfold)
Non-striving (being present on the journey instead of forcing focus on the outcomes)
Acceptance (meet the reality of what is outside of your power to change in this moment)
Letting go (release resistance to the inevitable and instead fully engage with your path)
Each pair of "hards" reminds us that we hold the freedom to choose our perspective and to pick our "hard" wisely. Even unchosen and tragic trials, like illness, transform when met with mindful presence rather than resistance. Life may not be easy, yet in choosing consciously, we live fully.
My mindful invitation to you this week:
When faced with a difficulty, notice what you may resist.
Then explore where there is an opportunity to choose a perspective or an action.
Everyone's life is special. Some of us may be going through especially hard times, and no amount of Mindfulness may ease the pain at this moment.
Believe me, nothing ever stays as it is.
Choose your hard. When you feel you have a choice, you live the life you need to live.
This is your time!
With compassion toward my choices,
Yours
Mel
Resources and Inspiration: